I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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