i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Non-Jews are for practice
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
