would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
