am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
