Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
