then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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