i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
