Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
