I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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