I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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