its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
please don't ironically join a cult
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