my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When are your genitals available?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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