It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
