she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
