Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
