He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
