I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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