I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
