My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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