Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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