You made me cry and you don't even care
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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