My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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