I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
wow bdsm is so cute
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
