i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
