She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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