Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
