Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
