you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
