it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
