can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
