never play flip cup with pint glasses
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
