we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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