Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
