I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
