I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
