Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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