i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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