Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Damn victory sex feels great
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
