she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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