I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
