Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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