Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I want her autograph on my taint
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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