i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
