I only kidnapped one of them. chill
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
