I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
