theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
