My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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