Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
