I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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