It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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