I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
