I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
