I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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