his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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