Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
