You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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