Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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