grandma shit on top of the toilet
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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