You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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