After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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