remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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