I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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