Your mouth is God's brothel.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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