have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
