i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
kristin has been a bad kristin
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
