you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize