I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
