wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
