Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The air was thick with penises
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize