YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
