I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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