UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
