I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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