dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize