dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
try to milk me bitch
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