don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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