It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
