So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
