I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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