saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
