apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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