He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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