im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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