Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
