I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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