why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I intend to get homeless drunk
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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