THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
