I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My bed smells like the plague
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
