I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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