Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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