Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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