We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
