your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
