Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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