i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it was like eating out sand paper
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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