oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
