Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
