went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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