These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
