I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
