So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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