I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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