Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize