I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize