There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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