If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
