he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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