Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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